Take Two: Idiocracy

Recently, TSN presented a potential list of candidates to replace Pierre Gauthier as GM.  Some valid (Julien Brisebois), others ludicrous (Pierre Maguire?).

I applaud their boldness to skin the cat before it’s even dead.  The media rats at Antichambre scurried shortly thereafter for seconds.

As an American, the closest comparison I can come up with is the Republican candidates’ recent catfight.  Not a pretty sight.

But for what purpose? In both cases, it’s a losing proposition: Obama will trounce whatever dunderhead the GOP packages; and any future Habs GM will be held up to the impossible standards of Sam Pollock and Frank Selke.

Selke is rolling in his grave.

Then Stephen Colbert gave inspiration to take action: I am tossing my hat into the GM ring.  The Habs need some fresh blood, someone totally removed from the microcosmic Habs reality TV show:

– Connie Frank? Ou Claude Francois?   I will take French etiquette and language lessons from the Parti Quebecois in a 72 hour intensive.

– No children (at least none that I know of), an obedient wife who will support me through every scandal (and cuddle on those lonely Habs nights).

– Fans trust meat-eaters. I like my steak bloody.

– Question cards will be randomly assigned under the media’s chairs for all media scrums.  They will only be allowed to read these questions.

– All smurfs will be chased out of town by my assistant GM Azrael.

"They forgot to neuter me."

– Hire the cast of Entourage as my scouting staff.  They need jobs anyways. Ari will be  head of scouting.

– To cut costs in this tough economy, prospects will be scouted in South East Asia and parts of Bulgaria and Moldova.

– Every loss at home will result in players suiting up as extras for Disney on Ice.

– Potential free agents must compete in Canadiens Idol – the winner receives Rick DiPietro’s contract.

– As per current policy, no GMs will be advised of Habs players on the trade block. In fact, they won’t even know who they traded for.

Follow my grass roots campaign towards the Bell Centre.  My platform represents integrity, transparency, and bipartisanship.

A vote for Francois is a vote for sovereignty!


About Connie Frank

I like to whittle. I eat US grade A Angus beef. I believe in the right to bear arms and defend myself. I am an American first, a Canadiens fan second. God bless. View all posts by Connie Frank

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