Take Two: Pre-Pre Trade Analyses

GMs keep fishing, but no bites yet.

BREAKING NEWS!

During the chilly winter months, nothing entertains me more than ice fishing.

You start with drilling the hole in the ground, set up an ice shanty, and find a seat next to the hole. Bait your line and fish. And fish.

And fish.

Upon return from such a thrilling weekend, I expected to find a plethora of new trades, juicy gossip, and the usual hyperbole to write about for this column.

Well..there have been no bites, just a bunch of fishermen dangling their poles.

A warm applause for goalie Ben Bishop! Ben Bishop folks!

Wolski was shipped to the Panthers. Whoopee.  Sens receive a Yeti for a goalie (6’7″!).  Yawn.

Come on! This is supposed to be the Super Bowl of professional sports trade deadlines. Where’s the pizzazz, where’s the showmanship?

NHL GMs should learn from the Montreal media on how to hype a non-event.

In less than 48 hours, Canadiens management has had to deny two rumors: GM Gauthier’s sacking and Plekanec waiving his no-trade clause:

– Geoff Molson refuted Tony Marinaro’s scoop for Bob Mac – one of his own co-workers at Ma Bell;

– Meanwhile, Postmedia Network’s Hockey InsideOut was shot down by everyone, including Plekanec’s own agent.

(It’s all a smokescreen to draw attention away from the mediocre on-ice product. I forgot they even played.)

While Jack Todd  overstates the obvious, I thought I’d stoke the coals and get that transaction fire going again.

Gauthier's trade tool for tomorrow

After an intense, data-crunching of player stats, GM behavorial patterns, Red Bull, and a Ouija board consultation:

BREAKING NEWS!

Puck Bandit’s Pre-Pre-Trade Twitter Analyses!

Harding and a 2nd to Leafs for Schenn: Wild replace Zidlicky, get tougher on back-end; Leafs pay dearly for unproven #1

Nash to Rangers for Del Zotto, Dubinsky, and a 1st: Nash is -23, unproven in playoffs; Blue Jackets win 2nd trade in a row

Visknovsky for Jordan Caron: Bruins desperate to avoid PP shortage like last year

Mason Raymond for Steve Ott: Canucks pest combo of Ott and Lapierre enough to annoy any team

Moen for Bickell: Good luck warrior, we’ll sign you during the off-season, but Bickell’s a monster forward with some skill

Kostitsyn, 3rd for Blum, Tootoo: Amazing return for 1st round draft pick bust.

Plekanec, Bourque for Stastny, Jones:  Garbage in, Garbage out.

Unlike the Oscars, I enjoy knowing the winners beforehand.

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About Connie Frank

I like to whittle. I eat US grade A Angus beef. I believe in the right to bear arms and defend myself. I am an American first, a Canadiens fan second. God bless. View all posts by Connie Frank

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