Category Archives: Rumerz

Post Lars-Effect Rumerz

Happy Friday!

The one and only inside source

As usual, the Twitter universe is blowing up with Habs trade Rumerz. I keep picturing a little odd looking snitch that just chills with Canadiens management, and whenever it (because it’s asexual) gets caught, it does this little jig, amusing the hell out of Goat and company, and thus reminding them why they keep the snitch around. I mean, that’s a lot more entertaining than saying these are all made up, right?

Here goes the Rumerz:

Jared Boll of Jackets on table for Weber, PG not budging

SIZZLE SAYS: Nice PG! Weber is really useful right now, hang onto him at all cost!

Habs are in the running for Getzlaf, Rumerz swirling around Pleks and Subban, yet others say Getzlaf and Ryan already traded to Florida and Toronto

SIZZLE SAYS: What would your reaction be if the Laffs landed Getzlaf? Perhaps volounteer for a radical pharmaceutical experiment that could land you in a perma-coma?

Habs after Vermette and Brassard, also interested in party animal Carter, no mention of Umberger this week

SIZZLE SAYS: But I want Umbergerrrrr (stomping feet and whining for a cookie)

Habs looking to acquire Anton Babchuk from Flames

SIZZLE SAYS: Yes! There’s the Goat I know! Another D-man!

Gomez will be put on waivers once he is cleared by doctors

SIZZLE SAYS: Lots of amnesia going around it seems. The Habs brains already stated this wouldn’t happen.

Habs interested in Wheeler and Fehr, Jets want Cammy

SIZZLE SAYS: I was at the Ellercopter special this week. That’s all. I just wanted to rub it in for those who weren’t.

Habs willing to sacrifice PK because Beaulieu in the wings

SIZZLE SAYS: Yeah totally. We have Gallagher in the wings too, so might as well trade Pacioretty.

Habs still in talks with Lightning

SIZZLE SAYS: I also enjoy talking with people.

Help! The snitch is after me!

PuckBandits – One stop Habs Rumerz shop: The jokes are made up but the Rumerz are real.

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Holidaze Rumerz

Happy almost New Year!

PG in "Goat's Gone Wild"

According to many Twitter sources, the Habs are about to trade with 4-5 different NHL teams. Seeing as PG is as easy as a Kardashian, this ain’t surprising. In fact, over the holidays PG took a page out of ol’ Kim’s playbook…That’s right folks! PG’s sex tape “Goat’s Gone Wild” is now available on frighteningscenes.com! Oddly enough, rated PG-13.

Here goes the Rumerz:

Habs in talks with Nashville for Ellis, Bourque, and Tootoo. In return they ship out Kots SR and Campoli.

SIZZLE SAYS: Ellis young offensive D, so absolutely no need there. Bourque, whatever. Tootoo, now that’s what I’m talking about. A tank-like smurf.

Habs have made an offer to Panthers for Jonathan Huberdeau.

SIZZLE SAYS: Yeah, here’s the convo…

PG-Dale it’s Pierre

DT-Buddy! I’m good with my contracts at the moment, check in this summer ok?

PG-Ok I will. Wait no! I’m not doing that anymore. I have an offer for Jonathan Huberdeau.

DT-Ok that’s great! Love the Goat outfit in your sex tape, CLASS! Talk this summer, Campbell can’t  keep this up forever! Peace bitch!

Habs in talks with Columbus. Deal is centered around Kots SR. Habs looking at Umberger, Boll, Brassard. Also rumored Jackets have offered Brassard for Weber and a 4th.

SIZZLE SAYS: Umberger, Boll, yes please. Brassard, not unless they throw in a first rounder, or have the director’s cut of PG’s sex tape.

Habs in talks with Lightning, no details.

SIZZLE SAYS: Malone or Downie please. Or how about we just talk to Julien Brisebois about our soon to be vacant GM position?

Habs trying hard to move Cammy out West.

SIZZLE SAYS: Better get a top 6 with size and some scoring ability otherwise what’s the freakin’ point? P-P-P-PANIC!

Leafs made a pitch for Moen.

SIZZLE SAYS: Good idea. Get rid of the only grit we have. PASS!

 

PuckBandits – One stop Habs Rumerz shop: The jokes are made up but the Rumerz are real.


Rumerz: Monday Morning Madness!

Only in America. Yup.

We have names folks! Names! Umberger, Huselius, and Tyutin are the players targeted by Pierre Gauthier. Of note, these names were discussed prior to the Kaberle deal. Goat is desperately trying to include the Columbus Blue Jackets ice girls in the deal, but has been told they aren’t available.

More Rumerz the Habs are after a big center. Carolina’s Eric Staal, Colorado’s Paul Stastny, Anaheim’s Ryan Getzlaf, and a certain someone from the Tampa bay Lightning. In other news, Montreal policemen have grown wings and can now patrol our streets from the sky!

Couple of interesting one’s: Travis Moen for Dustin Penner straight up. Hmmm. And Habs interested in Blackhawks left winger Byron Bickell.

And finally, the Yannick Weber derby is on til the break of dawn! Hawks, Devils, Oilers, Isles, Lightning all interested. Habs are looking for an I O U in the shape of the Simpsons’ Chief Wiggum.

That’s all she wrote folks!

PuckBandits – One stop Habs Rumerz shop: The jokes are made up but the Rumerz are real.


Friday Morning Rumerz

This week was brought to you by:

I'll take care of goat for ya...haven't you seen my movies?

As with most struggling teams, lots of Habs related internet chatter this week. Here’s a recap:

-As PB reported earlier this week, the Habs are talking DEAL with the Blue Jackets. RJ Umberger has been singled out, but it seems the deal could also involve another Jackets winger AND D-man. No mention of return just yet.

-Also reported on PB last week, the borderline ridiculous Iginla to Montreal Rumerz. Word is the Habs are now also looking at Flames defenseman Scott Hannan to shore up their blue line…ahem ahem…pathetic…ahem.

-New Rumerz today have the Habs talking with the San Jose Sharks. Ryan Clowe and Torrey Mitchell are the names circulating. Who the hell is Torrey Mitchell? Once you’ve answered that, I ask, WHY??

-Oh and of course the Bryan McCabe Rumerz…crickets

Here’s a pic if you’re as bored as I am:

Back? Cool.

-According to many, Geoff Molson has almost reached his boiling point, and could re-examine the possibility of replacing both Gauthier and Martin. One name that keeps popping up is Detroit Red Wings assistant GM Jim Nill. Let’s hope Jim can speak french.

-There is also talk that Gauthier himself is unhappy. Not because his team blows, no. That’s cool. Apparently he’s unhappy because Bob Gainey is actually still running the show. Gauthier is apparently willing to step down at season’s end if he isn’t finally given full control. Oh, OK, well PEACE Goat, whatever.

That’s all she wrote kids.

PuckBandits – One stop Habs Rumerz shop: The jokes are made up but the Rumerz are real.


Habs after Umberger?

Yes! Finally traded! Oh wait, to Habs? Um, do I have a NTC?

Word is after last night’s game GM Pierre “Skeletor” Gauthier contacted Blue Jackets GM Scott Howson for dinner at “The worst team’s in the NHL steakhouse”.

No in all seriousness, it looks like the Goat is interested in acquiring RJ Umberger.

A durable 6 foot 2, 220 pound center with a 3.7 mil cap hit….is Goat still working for the Habs?

Stay tuned.


Rumerz: Habs Interested In McCabe?

McCabe goes Travis Bickle

Rumour is the Habs are keen on signing UFA Bryan McCabe to fill in for oft-injured (and that’s being nice) D Andrei Markov.

Habs could definitely use McCabe’s big shot from the point on the PP, but that’s about it. Too slow, too old. Goat, do us a favor and pass.


Rumerz: Habs And Jackets Talking Brassard?

Stoked to move

Rumours getting louder the Habs are looking to acquire Derick Brassard. No names mentioned yet as potential return.

After Allan Walsh’s recent tirade, and Brassard being a healthy scratch most of the year, him being on the block comes as no surprise.

From a Habs perspective? Why the hell not. Local boy to boot.