Tag Archives: Bob Gainey

On the Road to Ruin


Ask a Bandit: Three Blind Habs

Two Hams and a Douchebag


A Butcher, a Baker, a Candlestick Maker: which best describes Pierre Gauthier?

M. Goose

Elementary, my dear old bird:

I once shot a goose while hunting in the backwoods of Hondo, Texas with Ted Nugent (no relation to the Oilers rookie).  ‘Nuge cooked her up real nice over an open flame – tasted like chicken.

Pierre Gauthier would neither be a Butcher – he doesn’t eat meat, however he has carved up the Canadiens roster like Bill The Butcher from Gangs of New York.

Nor a Baker – baking often uses milk and/or eggs, a vegan no-no.  No, the GM has burnt too many bridges already, let alone pies.

But indeed a Candlestick Maker – he’s at the end of his wick however.  It took Gauthier three months to melt three years of centennial celebration goodwill.  The fans are tired of ten dollar beer, piss poor home games, the three ring media circus, and Pierre Houde/Marc Denis.  The bourgeoisie are ready to storm the gates.

The Rub-a-Dub-Dub position, according to Cosmo.

In Conclusion:

Thee blind Habs, three blind Habs.

See how they GM, see how they coach.

They signed a Ruskie who went under the knife,

Then fired a coach who showed no signs of life,

And hired an anglo thus causing more strife,

Just three blind Habs.

Now, a haiku from Dice:

Worst Habs Trades Ever

Dear Phuck Bandit:

What do you think is the worst trade your Habs have made since the start of the Gainey era? And spare me with the wah-wah-wah of the Gomez trade – that’s a no-brainer.

– Eddie the Felch

Felch: The sexual act of sucking or licking ejaculate (or other substances mixed with ejaculate) out of the orifice in which they were deposited.

See also: Depraved, sick phucks named Eddie living in their parent’s basement in their thirties who blow their load while playing World of Warcraft and trolling Craig’s List for a circle jerk.


"Eddie's idea of a hot Saturday night"

Taint: The area between the nutsack and asshole that prevent a man from shitting on his nuts.

See also: Gainey, Bob – 2006 Ribeiro for Niinimaa. I’ll leave it up to you to figure out who’s the nutsack and who’s the asshole.

Genuine helpful reading:


Feeling lost? Need some direction? Ask a Bandit: puckbandits@gmail.com