Top Ten Reasons Habs are Rooting For QC City

10-It would more than likely eliminate Pat “Mad Dog” Roy from ever being head coach

9-There would be a worse team than the Habs in Quebec

8-Half the team is actually hoping Montreal relocates to QC city

7-Poor Randy Cunneyworth thinks it may impact his future with the team

6-Rejean Tremblay may actually tone it down a bit, or better yet, SHUT THE F%^# UP altogether

5-They’ve been working on Nordiques one liners all season

4-The Nordiques are just hilarious

3-The Habs are taking bets on how long it takes before Michel “gang sign” Bergeron is hired as Nordiques Overlord

2-Eric Lindros has agreed to a contract with the Habs contingent on the return of the Nordiques

1-Beating the crap out of the Nords is like taking the puck away from anyone on the Habs 2011-2012 roster: easy as banana cognac pie biach!

Top Ten: Speech and Thinking Patterns

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Top 10 Shootout Fails

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1- Ok so it’s not a shootout miss but just as funny.

Top Ten Mythical Creatures

We keep hearing about them, but never really see them… Do they actually exist?

10- Markovesus

9- Flying Unicov

8-Markovian Death Worm

7- Lepre-Kov and his pot of pucks.

6- The Loch Ness Markov

5- Amarok-ov

4- The Abominable Markov

3- Mermov

2- Markovean Hydra

1- Mark-quatch

(2 contributions from Hockey InsideOuters, 7: slychard and 10: SmartDog)

Top 10 Creepy Moments with Pierre McGuire

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Top Ten Hal Gill Thoughts Yesterday

10-Man I’m hungry.

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8-It might be best if I just kill Subban…no one can babysit like me.

7-Where’s Nashville anyway?

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5-Oh man, I’m gonna wedgie the shit out of Sergei.

4-You know what, maybe I’ll leave the coaches a manual on how to lie down effectively on the PK.

3-I should probably inform Lord Chara.

2-Good thing we’re not expecting another shrub.

1-Christopher Lee shall guide thee Hal, Christopher Lee shall guide thee.

Top 10: When fans decide they’ve had enough

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Top Seven Habs Media Whores

There’s nothing that gets my blood boiling more than the media.  GMs may be brash or secretive, coaches dull or overprotective, and hockey players cliche-ridden, but the media created them all.

Let’s turn the table on the Habarazzi.  Below are a list of the worst yellow journalism. The Anti-Chambre is excluded – I said journalism.  

No snappy insult needed: I’ll let their own words speak for them…

(Click on their names, idiot.)

7) Tony Marinaro

Shawn Thornton can have him.

6) Mike Milbury

“I don’t smack kids”

5) Red Fisher

Best Before Date: 1985

4) Bertrand Raymond

Thinks the Nordiques never left.

3) Rejean Tremblay 

Evil Quebecor minion.

2) Jack Todd

AWOL since 1969.

1) Connie Frank

I am my own worst enemy.

Top 9 Habs Deep Thoughts

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Top 10 reasons why the Habs (probably) won’t make the playoffs

10 – Benching this guy.

9 –  Sending this guy at a moment when it matters most.

8-  PK being WAY too gangsta with the puck.

7- PK being WAY too gangsta with anybody.

6- No one else wants ’em? We’ll grab em, and for a long time.

5- They should’ve done everything to keep this guy around.

4- Not being able to finish the job in 3rds.

3- A Shady GM.

2- This guy not makin’ it home.

1- A very sad reality.