Top Ten Reasons Habs are Rooting For QC City

10-It would more than likely eliminate Pat “Mad Dog” Roy from ever being head coach

9-There would be a worse team than the Habs in Quebec

8-Half the team is actually hoping Montreal relocates to QC city

7-Poor Randy Cunneyworth thinks it may impact his future with the team

6-Rejean Tremblay may actually tone it down a bit, or better yet, SHUT THE F%^# UP altogether

5-They’ve been working on Nordiques one liners all season

4-The Nordiques are just hilarious

3-The Habs are taking bets on how long it takes before Michel “gang sign” Bergeron is hired as Nordiques Overlord

2-Eric Lindros has agreed to a contract with the Habs contingent on the return of the Nordiques

1-Beating the crap out of the Nords is like taking the puck away from anyone on the Habs 2011-2012 roster: easy as banana cognac pie biach!

ODD PAST: Some Hockey weirdness from yesteryear…

I’ve been having some weird dreams lately. Sort of like strange commercials…like, they don’t make any sense unless you’re actually in them…when they’re happening. And even then…they’re pretty non-sensical…but sometimes funny.

I can only compare the bizarre nature of what I speak of through the language of Youtube.

Yes.

IT’S HAPPENING ON YOUTUBE

Let’s get going…Sa-sooner than oh-la-later…

I mean…

Okay…moving on…

Well..not really:

Talk about one hell of a marketing campaign!

Wait a minute…do I sense a theme here?

Honestly…the past is a strange place…

This commercial also starts off with the camera shot in a strange place:

Ok and…what in the world was going on here?

Can someone breakdown this plot for me? Creepy Ronald…Bambi…a kid falls…I mean…what?

Not quite as creepy…but equally as odd…

Why did the refs get tangled? And how about that jingle?

Back to our earlier theme…

Were they wearing Sasson jeans?

Follow on Twitter @hansolson

Rumerz: 30 Hours Away…

We’re about 30 hours away from what has by far become the most entertaining event of the Montreal Canadiens season: a visit to the sugar shack with uncle Hal Gill! He’s flying back up to take all the kids (Habs)!

Apparently Hal has now become a rapping sensation in Nashville! All his rhymes are about lying down on the PK in Montreal! His debut tape (he keeps it real) entitled “Lying down be hard yo” is now available on the Predators official website!

Time to get serious. We all know I’m referring to the trade deadline here. Who’s staying, who’s going, that’s what we all want to know. Brace yourselves people, with Sir Tomas-Kaberle-is-a-good-idea at the helm, we’re in for a hell of a ride….

And with that, here are the hottest Rumerz on Twitter for you to feast on. Enjoy!

Habs are shopping Tomas Plekanec. Looking for a player for player deal. Rumors have him going to Florida for Jonathan Huberdeau.

SIZZLE SAYS: Here’s what Gauthier and Gainey are really doing until 3pm tomorrow.

Geoff Molson is acting GM until the end of the season. Pierre Gauthier has no power to make any moves. Also, S. Savard is involved in day to day operations

SIZZLE SAYS: I actually believe Geoff Molson as GM would make Gauthier look like Amanda Seyfried to a drunk on St-Paddy’s day. There’s a good lad, um, lass…huh?

Andrei Kots to Nashville for Roman Josi + pick. Habs want Tootoo.

SIZZLE SAYS: PG and BG are huge fans of the Swiss national team’s D-corps. Team Swiss Unite!

San Jose interested in Rene Bourque and AK

SIZZLE SAYS: Oh Rene, you had us all fooled. Wait, no, actually you never did.

Habs still in the running for D. Brassard, though Tampa now has the inside track

SIZZLE SAYS: Yawwwwn. In other news, I just opened a box of Cracker Jack for the first box in five years. It’s still gross.

Habs will retain Moen. Though they haven’t contacted his agent at all

SIZZLE SAYS: Goat will have to serenade Travis for him to stay.

Not much huh? I can honestly say I expected more from these rumor-mongers at this time of the year. Stay tuned for the Aftermath this week! Enjoy the madness folks!

PuckBandits – One stop Habs Rumerz shop: The jokes are made up but the Rumerz are real.

Wrong Sweater

Trading Miracles for Tears…

Yesterday was the 32nd anniversary of “The Miracle on Ice.” Yes, it’s been 32 years since the good ol’ US of A defeated those Soviets in what Sports Illustrated named “The Top Sports Moment of the 20th Century.”

Miraculous? Sure…but nothing can compare to the unfathomable occurrence back on February 9th…

Yeah…the world is ending alright. When I heard news that Gomez finally scored, I assumed Selena Gomez got an engagement ring from the Biebz…

Speaking of Hollywood…and speaking of this trade deadline…let’s take a look back at one of the more infamous trades of all time…

Nice tears. I wonder if Wayne used a tutorial like this prior to his press conference…

How about some real pain Great One?!?!

or…

or a favorite of mine courtesy of Mr. Hawerchuk!

Too real for you Wayne? Okay, okay okay…

I’ll leave you with this…

but even a fake NHL 93 Gretzky could cry real tears better than you…

Happy Trade Deadline!!!

Deadline Madness Rumerz!

Gauthier preparing for trade deadline

Gauthier is looking to save his job at the deadline

SIZZLE SAYS: …and so Skeletor (Gauthier) fell at the hands of He-man (Molson) that day at Grayskull (Bell Center), vowing to return with a vengeance (make more trades)…

Habs no longer in the running for Jeff Carter, have turned their attention to Colorado’s Paul Stastny

SIZZLE SAYS: Can I just repeat above joke and use Avalanche GM Francois Giguere’s name in Molson’s place?

Another rumor has Carter, Brassard to Habs for Kots, Gomez, 1st and 3rd rounder

SIZZLE SAYS: Remember that movie Get Carter with SLY? Here’s a clip. I don’t care what anyone says, SLY’s badass.

Cunneyworth was told to showcase Darche. Gauthier is looking for a 2nd rounder in return

SIZZLE SAYS: I want to grill then eat one of those long neck dinosaurs on a BBQ the size of a football field.

Weber + 1st rounder to Panthers for Jonathan Huberdeau and Ed Jovanovski

SIZZLE SAYS: Cocaine’s one hell of a drug.

Weber + 3rd rounder for Columbus’ R.J Umberger

SIZZLE SAYS: Everytime I see the name Weber I get a little excited cause I think of Shea Weber…wait that sounds all wrong…

Devils interested in Kaberle

SIZZLE SAYS: Thanks for giving us hope.

Habs will go after UFA Shane Doan this summer

SIZZLE SAYS: That’ll go over well with the french folk.

Wild have offered a 5th rounder for Darche, and have interest in Plekanec

SIZZLE SAYS: Throw in some of that Koivu DNA and you got a deal. Oh in case y’all didn’t know, the Habs are now into the whole cloning thing.

Wings have offered prospect Xavier Ouellet and a pick for Moen

SIZZLE SAYS: YES! Let’s get rid of all our grit and toughness for unknown prospects who everyone in the city will overrate and will never play a goddamn game in the NHL. Stoked!

PuckBandits – One stop Habs Rumerz shop: The jokes are made up but the Rumerz are real.

Midnite Misquotes: It’s Alive

“Look! Our chance at the playoffs. It’s alive. It’s alive… It’s alive, it’s not a big chance but, it’s alive, it’s alive, it’s alive, it’s alive, IT’S ALIVE!”

-Dr. Frankenstein

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Midnite Misquotes: How Long A Minute Is

“How long a minute is, depends on which side of the 1 goal lead you’re on.”

~Zall’s Second Law

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Midnite Misquotes: Peace and Quiet

“NHL officials are not interested in justice, they’re interested in peace and quiet.”

-Bill Cosby

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Midnite Misquotes: A shootout loss

“A shootout loss generally hurts in proportion to its truth.”

– Will Rogers

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